Ancient Parenting Philosophy: Emphasis on Virtue and Moral Behavior (Part 1)
 
Ancient Chinese people placed great emphasis on family manners and the cultivation of discipline and virtue. Following the principles of benevolence, righteousness, rites, wisdom, and trust, the basic values in ancient Chinese culture, ancient Chinese people cherished the philosophy of cultivation of virtue and moral behavior in their parenting ways, and regarded it as the dogma of family discipline. Ancient saints and sages showed great compassion and care for their children, but they were very strict with their children too. In this way, they educated their children to follow good advice from others and thus lead a righteous life without regret. The ancient Chinese parenting method is of great value to us today. The following are some examples.
 
Confucius Teaching His Son to Learn the Book of Songs and Classic of Rites
 
Confucius (551 – 479 BC) was a great thinker and educator. It is said that he had more than 3,000 students. In Lunyu, there is a story about one of Confucius’ students Chen Kang and Confucius’ son Kong Li. Chen asked, “Have you heard special things from Teacher that is different from the normal teachings?” Kong said, “No. Once, Father was standing in the yard alone. I walked to him. He asked me, 'Have you studied the Book of Songs yet?' I replied, 'No.' So he said, 'You have no grounds to say anything if you have not studied it yet.' Therefore, I hurried back to study it. Another time, I met Father. He was standing alone. I walked to him. He asked me, 'Have you studied Classic of Rites yet?' I replied, 'No.' So he said to me, 'You have no ground to stand on if you haven't studied it yet.' So I hurried back to study it. I have only heard these two things.” After hearing this, Chen was very happy. He said, “I only asked one question, but I have learned three things. I know the importance of studying Book of Songs and Classic of Rites, and I learned that Teacher treats everyone the same.”
 
Indeed, Book of Songs and Classic of Rites are among the fundamentals of Confucius's teachings. Confucius said, “Poetry can express one's thoughts, poems can express one's aspirations and songs can chant one's words.” He believed that using art and literature as vivid teaching materials was more effective than preaching. It is said that Book of Songs has 305 pieces in total, which were all compiled and edited by Confucius. Most of the pieces are about cultivation, following good ethics, and the will of Heaven. Confucius believed that the cultivation of one's morality should start here, which could also build one's insight. In addition, one can learn a lot about history, nature and sociology through reading them. He said, “Prosperity from Book of Songs, sustenance from Classic of Rites, and success from Classic of Music.” When he talked about rites, he meant the standards of moral behavior and etiquette. Education starts from teaching students moral behavior and virtue. From practice, one can cultivate morality and discipline. Therefore, it can lay the foundation for one's future development in self-cultivation, governing society or helping people.
 
Confucius treated his son in the same way he treated his other students in terms of studying Book of Songs and Classic of Rites. He used the same standard and never lowered the bar for his son, from which we can see he treated everyone equally and had high expectations for his son and his other students. Scholars in later generations referred to Confucius’ parenting method as “Leaving a family legacy with Book of Songs and Classic of Rites.”
 
古人教子理念：重德修身（一）
 
中国古人非常注重家风、家教，注重对子女的德性培养，以传统文化中的仁义礼智信、向道、向善等理念正面引导，“重德修身”成为各家家训的核心内容。古圣先贤们对子女的仁慈关爱和严格要求，使其在任何时候能够择善而从，走正人生之路而无怨无悔。古人家教的智慧，为后世留下了很多宝贵的经验。以下举些例子。
 
孔子教子学《诗》、《礼》
 
孔子是我国春秋时的思想家、教育家，相传他有三千学生。《论语•季氏》中记载了这样一个故事：他的一个学生陈亢有一天问孔子的儿子孔鲤：“你在老师那里听到有与别人不同的教诲吗？”孔鲤说：“没有啊。有一次我父亲曾独自站在庭院中，我快步走过，父亲问我：‘学《诗》没有？’我说：‘没有。’父亲说：‘不学《诗》，无以言。’我马上就去学《诗》。又有一次，遇到父亲一个人在那里，我快步走过，父亲问我：‘有没有学《礼》？’我说：‘没有。’父亲说：‘不学《礼》，无以立。’我马上又去学《礼》。我只听到这两件事。”陈亢下来高兴地说：“我问一个问题，却得到三个收获，知道了学《诗》的道理和学《礼记》的道理，还知道了君子对待自己的儿子与别人的孩子是一样的。”
 
的确，诗和礼，都是孔子教育学生的重要内容。孔子说：“诗言志，歌咏言”，认为利用文艺形式对学生进行具体形像的教育，比说教往往有效的多。相传《诗经》三百零五篇，就是他亲自删定的，内容多和修身、知命、追随道义有关。孔子认为人的道德修养就应从这里开始，可以提高人的观察力，另外，通过读诗也能够学到许多历史、自然、社会知识。孔子说：“兴于《诗》，立于《礼》，成于《乐》”。他所说的礼，就是社会的道德礼仪行为规范，从学礼开始，教育学生树立自己的德行，从实践中逐渐培养出学生的自觉的道德主体意识，进而成为日后通达天道、经世济民的基础。
 
孔子教育儿子学“诗”学“礼”，和对其他学生的要求是一样的，并没有因为孔鲤是自己的儿子就放松对他的要求，这一点可以看出孔子对学生的一视同仁和对儿子寄予著很高的希望。后代的读书人，把孔子教子的方法称做“诗礼传家”。