Selected Passages from "Yuan’s Model Conduct in Society" (Part 9)
 
19) Observe propriety and suppress desires
 
Eating and drinking are human necessities that can also be desires. If indulged in excess, that would be gluttonous. The relationship between man and woman is a desire, and is also necessary for sustaining society. If one adopts inappropriate means to satisfy oneself, that is adulterous. Money and property are what everyone seeks, and they are indispensable. But if one obtains it by illegal means, that is plunder.
 
If people only indulge their desires, it will lead to disputes, and even culminate in a lawsuit. Ancient sages and kings had thought about all these issues, hence they formulated rules of etiquette to restrain one's indulgence in food and in one's behavior in relationships between man and woman. They also developed moral principles to restrict one's acquisition of wealth and property.
 
A noble person is well aware of the need for food, relationship between man and woman, and wealth. But he does not openly seek them, let alone seek them in wanton excess. A sly person is just the opposite.
 
20) "Looking but not caring to see"; clearing and severing desires
 
Sages have said, "[by] not looking at things that could arouse desires, one would not be bedazzled." This is a secret to avoiding a number of troubles. In general, people's appetite is aroused at the sight of delicious food, one cannot help but gaze at stunning beauty, and one can become greedy in their relationship with money. It's inevitable unless one has exceptional self-control. Only by fundamentally extirpating the roots of these desires and paying no attention when encountering them, will the wanton wishful thinking not arise. Without such thoughts, no wrong deeds will ensue.
 
21) Do Not Hurt People's Feelings with Words
 
Often, close friends, beloved relatives, and old acquaintances become estranged, not because of what they say, but rather because of how they say it, such as when they have a rude attitude or tone. If we can keep our attitudes gentle and polite, when we point out others' shortcomings with direct and straight words, they will not be offended even if they do not heed our advice. On the other hand, when we speak tersely, then even if we do not mean to alienate others, they will often feel offended, if not outright angry.
 
Ancient people said, "If you get angry at home, it will be hard not to bring your anger to the outside." If you are angry while having a conversation, you definitely will not be humble, and others will be puzzled by your attitude. Therefore we must be even more cautious in speaking to others when we feel angry. Old sages said, "Try not to speak out after drinking alcohol, try not to get angry while having a meal, try to endure things that are overwhelming, and do not argue with people who are arrogant." We can benefit greatly by persistently observing such etiquette.
 
22) Win Over Others with Virtues and Talents
 
Regardless of physical appearances, people with high standards of virtue and conduct will naturally be respected by others. Regardless of how well they communicate, people with superb talents will naturally be held in high regard.
 
《袁氏世范》选译（九）
 
*遵礼制欲
 
饮食是人的欲望，是不可缺少的，如果不合道理的去追求它，就是贪吃；男女之事是人的欲望，是不可缺少的，如果采用不合理的手段去满足，那就是奸淫；财物，谁都想获得，是不可缺少的，用非法手段获得，那就成了盗贼。
 
人如果只放纵自己的欲望，就会引起争端，并且免不了要惹上诉讼。古代圣王考虑到这些问题，因此制定了礼仪，以节制人的饮食和男女关系，制定了道义，以限制人对财物的获取。
 
君子对于饮食，男女，财物这三样东西，虽然知道是自己所需要的，但是不敢表达出来，更何况是萌生妄想呢！小人正好和君子相反。
 
*视而不见 无念断欲
 
圣人说：「不去看那些可能引起欲望的东西，心里就不会感到迷乱。」这是省去诸多烦恼的秘诀。一般来说，人见了美食就要咽口水，见美色就会注目凝视，见了钱财就会引起贪求之心，如果不是有定力的人，都难免如此。只有能彻底断绝这些贪欲的根源，对它们视而不见，就不会产生妄想了，没有妄想就不会在这些事情上犯错了。
 
*言语勿伤人
 
亲朋好友，故交旧识，因为说话不当而交情破裂的，未必都是因为说了伤害别人的话。很多是因为态度、言辞、语气过于粗暴，所以激起了别人的愤怒。比如规谏别人的短处，话语虽然恳切直爽，却能和颜悦色，纵使不被对方听取，也不至于惹怒对方。平常说话本没有伤人的地方，而言辞声色都很严厉，即使不被对方恼怒，也会引起人家怀疑。
 
古人说：「在家里生气后，难免要把怒色带到外面去，」正值他生气的时候，和别人说话，一定不会表示谦逊。别人不知道是甚么原因，怎么能不奇怪呢！因此在大怒的时候和别人说话更应该警惕不要伤害了别人。前辈曾经说过：「喝酒后诫说话，吃饭时忌生气，能忍受难以忍受的事，不与自以为是的人争论。」经常能坚持这样做，对自己是有好处的。
 
*才德服人
 
品行高尚的人自然会受到别人的敬重，不一定他的容貌有多么漂亮，身材有多么高大；才能高超的人自然会受到别人敬服，不一定他的言论有多么高明。