Confucian Wisdom on the Ways of Treating Others
 
Confucius pointed out that kindness is both a political ideology and a moral standard. Kindness stresses caring for others and promotes the idea of loyalty and forgiveness. Such an ideology has a profound impact on the Chinese traditional virtues of honesty, forbearance and kindness. It still has deep meaning in today's society.
 
Sincerity is the foremost foundation
 
One time when Confucius was discussing the ways of treating others with his students, Zilu said, "If others treat me with kindness, I will be kind to them in return; If they are not kind to me, I will not be kind to them either."
 
Confucius commented, "This is the way of barbarians with no sense of morality and righteousness."
 
Zigong said, "If others treat me with kindness, I will return kindness to them; If they are not kind to me, I will guide them to kindness."
 
Confucius commented, "This is the way between friends."
 
Yanzi said, "If others treat me with kindness, I will be kind to them in return; If they are not kind to me, I will also be kind to them and guide them to kindness."
 
Confucius commented, "This is the way between family and relatives. If you can expand the idea and treat all people in the world with sincerity, it will true kindness!"
 
Treat others with kindness
 
Yanzi asked Confucius, "How can I achieve the goal of treating others with kindness? I wish I could achieve treating others the same regardless if they are poor or rich; be dignified without showing off my bravery; be friends only with people who have noble goals and avoid adversity throughout my life. Is this correct?"
 
Confucius said, "To be kind, one needs to cultivate himself and constantly improve his morality. What you said is good. Behaving the same whether they are rich or poor, you will be content and won't be driven by desire. Behaving the same no matter if you are in a high position or just among the general populous, you will always be humble and polite. Being dignified without showing off bravery, you will treat people with respect without oversight. Being friends with people who have noble goals and avoiding adversity throughout life, you can choose your friends, you words and actions with caution. This is a very grand goal!"
 
The way of governing
 
Qi Gaoting asked Confucius, "I traveled over long distances and large mountains, wearing worn out clothes and bearing gifts for you, I came in the hope that you can teach me the way of assisting the king to govern the country."
 
Confucius said, "Insist on righteousness and principles. Even if it means offending the king, you cannot give up righteousness and principles. Assisting the king doesn't mean doing things for the king, but rather doing things for the country and its people under the king. It boils down to doing righteous things and assisting the king to promote kindness. You need to treat everyone with sincerity. You need to set a good example and insist on righteousness and morality. Recommend capable people to the king while removing the sly people from the king’s side; rid yourself of your evil side and get along with the king according to etiquette and righteousness. You need to be sharp and yet cautious with your words and deeds; cultivate yourself and guide your people to kindness. If you can do this, you can be like a brother to the king even if you are thousands of miles away from him. If you only speak without corresponding actions, or if your actions are dull and you do not treat others with kindness, then you will be hard pressed to assist the king even if you stay right next to him."
 
Confucius said that one needs to cultivate oneself in order to treat others well. Treating others is not the goal, but improving oneself to a higher level is. Confucius took loyalty, propriety, humility and reliability as the prerequisites for being a noble man. A noble man can reach "kindness" through self-criticism and treating others with kindness and forbearance. A noble man will uphold high morality no matter what the situation is and will keep his heart pure, treat others kindly and cherish life. Be they rich or poor, he will not be moved. Power and coercion cannot make him yield.
 
孔子论待人之道
 
孔子提出“仁”既是一种社会政治理想，也是一种伦理道德原则，“仁”的首要内容是对他人的关爱。从“仁爱”的理念出发，提倡“忠恕”的待人之道。孔子的忠恕思想，对中华民族诚实不欺、宽以待人、与人为善的传统美德的形成，影响深远，至今仍有深刻的教育意义。
 
以诚为本
 
一次，孔子与他的学生们在一起谈论待人之道。
 
子路说：“别人以善意待我，我也用善意待他；别人用不善待我，我也用不善待他。”
 
孔子评价道：“这是没有道德礼义的夷狄之间的做法。”
 
子贡说：“别人用善意待我，我也用善意待他；别人用不善待我，我就引导他向善。”
 
孔子评价道：“这是朋友之间应该有的做法。”
 
颜子说：“别人以善意待我，我也用善意待他；别人用不善待我，我也以善意待他，并引导他向善。”
 
孔子评价道：“这是亲人之间应该有的做法。如果能够把它扩开去，以诚心对待天下人才是真正的与人为善啊！”
 
仁义待人
 
颜子去问孔子说：“我想以仁待人，怎么样才能做到呢？我希望自己能做到的是，贫贱时与富贵时一样，不有意表现多么勇敢却有威严，与有志之士交往，终身没有患难。这样可以吗？”
 
孔子说：“要做到以仁待人，首先得通过自己修身才能做到，要不断的提高自己的道德修养和思想境界。你说的也非常好，贫穷时和富有时一样，便能知足而不受欲望的左右；卑贱时与高贵时一样，就能始终谦让有礼；不有意表现多么勇敢却有威严，就能恭敬待人而对他们没有过失；与有志之士交往，终身没有患难，就能谨慎的选择朋友、选择要说的话和要做的事。这个志向非常宏大！”
 
为政之道
 
齐高廷问孔子：“我不怕高山远阻，身穿蓑衣，提著拜见之礼物，真心诚意的来询问事君之道，希望您能够给以教导。”
 
孔子说：“坚持正道原则，即使对国君有所冒犯，也不能放弃正道原则；臣子事君，其实不是为了给君做事，而只是在国君之下做事，是为国为民做事，归根结底则是为了行仁义，辅助国君推行仁政；对待任何人都不要有厌倦之心，一律以真诚相待，自己言行首先要遵守并坚持道义；发现君子就加以举荐，发现小人就使他远离国君；去掉你的邪恶之心，而真诚的依据礼义与国君相处。做事需要机敏，谨言慎行，按照礼义修养自己，并且使天下趋于礼义。这样，即使在千里之外，也会像兄弟一样。如果只说不做，或者行为不机敏，又不依据礼义待人，即使是住在对门恐怕也行不通。”
 
孔子说，待人要从做人讲起。待人不是目的，而是要使其达到提高境界。孔子把义、礼、逊、信作为君子的必备品质，君子可通过自省来认识“仁”，以仁存心，宽以待人，行仁义于人。无论在任何时候，以崇高道德标准作为为人处世原则，坚守心灵的一方净土，善化他人，珍爱生命，富贵不能迷乱他的思想，贫贱不能改变他的操守，威武不能使其意志屈服，此为正人君子之所为。