The Influence of Forbearance and Benevolence
2016-04-24
The Influence of Forbearance and Benevolence
 
Zhang Jin was born in the Ming Dynasty (1368 – 1644 AD). He married a Ms. Liu from a rich family. Zhang Jin's mother was extremely bossy and envious. Three of her previous daughters-in-law had left since they could not tolerate her ill-treatment. Liu was the fourth daughter-in-law. After she moved in with Zhang's family, her mother-in-law liked her very much. Many people were surprised.
 
They asked Ms. Liu why her mother-in-law liked her. She answered, "It is just due to obedience. I comply with all her instructions and I am not moved by her provocations. Even for matters that do not accord to etiquette or tasks that are considered inappropriate for women to do, I do not shirk them. Afterwards, I seek an opportunity to calmly explain whether it was right or wrong. Quite often my mother-in-law listens to me."
 
After Ms. Liu served her mother-in-law for three years, Zhang Jin’s mother became benevolent. The Zhang family had three more daughter-in-laws and from then on, the mother never ill-treated her daughter-in-laws again.
 
In interpersonal relationships, there is the mentality that if you treat me badly, then I will treat you badly or even worse. As a result, we can only deepen and sharpen our opposition by returning evil for evil and repaying ill will with resentment. That would not solve the basic problem in the least. However, when we are faced with a conflict, whether the other side is right or wrong, we could forbear and step back. Then we can explain calmly. Facing a mind and words of benevolence, I believe even the most imperious person will hesitate to be aggravated and even the greatest conflicts will be solved. Let us not forget the ultimate power of benevolence and forbearance.
 
忍让和善化横恶
 
张晋是明朝人,他娶了富贵人家的女儿刘氏为妻。张晋的母亲非常蛮横和妒忌,张家的三个儿媳妇都因为受不了张母的虐待而离开。刘氏是张家的第四个儿媳妇,她来到张家后,没想到婆婆非常喜欢她,人们都觉得很奇怪。
 
很多人问刘氏婆婆喜欢她的原因,刘氏说:“只有顺从两个字而已,只要是婆婆的教训和指使,我都一一遵从,即使是不合礼法的事,或者是妇人家不能做的事,婆婆让做时我也暂时不推脱,过后会找机会慢慢的向婆婆解释这件事情的是非曲直,说的时候从容平静,往往我说的话婆婆没有不听的。”
 
刘氏如此侍奉了婆婆三年,张母竟然变的慈善起来,张家又续娶了三个媳妇,从此再也没有发生婆婆虐待媳妇这样的事。
 
其实人与人之间,你对我不好,我就也对你不好,甚者有过之而无不及,这样以恶制恶,以怨制恨,互相伤害,只能加深和激化矛盾,产生怨恨,丝毫解决不了根本问题。遇到矛盾不管对方是对还是错,自己首先忍让一步,后退一步,平心静气的和善的把问题说清楚,在善心善语面前,相信再不讲理的人也不好意思变本加厉,再大的矛盾都会被“化干戈为玉帛”的,不要忘记“善”和“忍”的力量才是最大的。
    来源: 看中国 责编: Kitt

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