A Gentleman Is Strict with Himself and Tolerant of Others (Part 1 of 2)
 
In traditional Chinese culture, being strict with oneself and tolerant of others is one of the principles a gentleman uses to discipline himself and treat others in society. This is a manifestation of a gentleman's virtue. Being strict with oneself is a noble character trait, encompassing both behaving righteously and improving oneself. Being tolerant of others means having a demeanor of generosity and forgiveness. This includes several components:
 
Introspection
 
This means examining one's thoughts, words and actions according to moral standards. Confucius (551 – 479 BC) once said, "A gentleman examines himself while a sly person is demanding of others." Meng Zi (372 – 289 BC) said, "If you cared for others but did not achieve acceptance, ask yourself whether you were compassionate enough. If you advised others but did not succeed, ask yourself whether you had enough wisdom. If you were polite to others, but others did not treat you the same way, ask yourself if you were sincere enough. When things did not proceed as you expected, examine yourself for reasons rather than blaming others." Zeng Shen (505 – 435 BC) said, "I examine myself many times each day. Did I do my best to help others? Was I honest with my acquaintances? Did I earnestly review the materials teacher taught? Through introspection, one will be more rational and can truly govern oneself. A gentleman should constantly examine himself and improve in order to establish a noble character."
 
Being strict with oneself
 
This means developing the ability to restrain one's desires and attachments. Confucius said, "Restrain oneself and revive propriety to achieve benevolence." That is to say, only by abstaining from one's own desires, improper words and misconducts, as well as voluntarily obeying moral standards, can one achieve a state of benevolence. One should "not look at things inconsistent with propriety, not listen to things inconsistent with propriety, not speak things inconsistent with propriety, and not do things inconsistent with propriety." Confucius said that by obeying propriety and being strict with oneself, everyone could be a gentleman and society would bask in benevolence.


Meng Zi said, "I have always been establishing a noble character." Zeng Shen said, "A gentleman cannot forget his mission." These refer to the great responsibility a gentleman has. One should be determined in one’s faith with a noble character. By insisting on righteousness, the gentleman will not be disturbed by surrounding incidents and external interference.

君子严己宽人 (上)
 
在我国传统文化中，严于律己、宽以待人是君子个人修养和处理人际关系的道德准则之一，是君子美德的一个重要方面。严于律己是一种力行道义、修身重德的美好人格特质；宽人，就是待人宽厚、仁爱，有宽广的胸怀和包容的气度。具体表现在以下几个方面：
 
自省
 
是指反省自己，从思想意识、言论行动等各方面去审视自己是否遵从道义原则。孔子说“君子求诸己，小人求诸人”(《论语﹒卫灵公》)，遇到问题找自己的原因是区分君子与小人的主要标志。孟子说：“如果关爱别人，可是别人却不肯亲近，那首先反问自己，自己的仁爱之心够不够？如果劝谏别人，可是没有成功，那就要反问自己，自己的智慧够不够？如果有礼貌的对待别人，可是得不到相应的回答，就要反问自己，自己的真诚够不够？当行动未得到预期效果时，不要埋怨别人，首先应当反躬自问，从自己身上找原因。”曾参说：我每天多次反省自己：为别人办事是不是尽心竭力了？和朋友交往是不是做到诚实了？老师传授的学业是不是认真复习了？自省是理性的智慧，是自己真正主宰自己。君子要通过时时内省不疚，逐步完善修养以成就高尚德操，“苟日新，日日新，又日新”，开明德性，以达至善。
 
克己

是指培养节制自己的能力。孔子说“克己复礼为仁”，意思是说人们只有克制自己的欲望和不正确言行，自觉遵守道德规范，才能达到仁的境界。做到“非礼勿视、非礼勿听、非礼勿言、非礼勿动”，使自己的视、听、言、行，一举一动都符合礼的规定，认为只要每个人都能以礼约束自己，就可以使人人成为君子，社会仁道得以弘扬。所以孔子说：“一日克己复礼，天下归仁焉。”(《论语﹒颜渊》) 孟子提出“吾善养吾浩然之气”，曾参说“士不可以不弘毅”，都是指君子任重而道远，要有坚定的信念和浩然正气，始终坚守道义，不随物流，不为境转，顺逆一如。